(This is what I was looking at last Friday instead of writing my link post!)
Looking out at the view above (incidentally where I will be going on a school trip in 3 weeks), I was full of excitement. I had just been sea kayaking for the first time, seen the Olympic torch that morning and had the pleasure of taking tea while looking at the view of Aberdovey in North Wales, a place I have never been before.
I always find that when I am away from home, and particularly near the sea, that the following days after my return are really introspective. So this week, sorry folks, but my Friday letter is to myself.
Dear me, you've had a lot going on in your head this week with thoughts bouncing around and lots of work to do. You tried to immerse yourself in books to avoid too much thinking and only ended up pondering more. It didn't help that on Thursday it finally hit you that you were actually 31. It also didn't help that on Sunday another one of your friends (married of course) announced they were having their first baby. After hearing the genuinely exciting news (my friend will be the coolest dad), you went home feeling all warm inside. But on Thursday, when that realisation of 31ness hit, so did the recurring feeling that somehow you have been left behind despite the fact you are enormously grateful for every adventure you've had in life so far.
It was slightly before your birthday, maybe a week or so, when you woke up from a nap with a rather strange pull in your heart. With no warning, a massive desire to have a baby flooded your body and you sank back again on the sofa. You'd never felt this before and you rationally would rather you didn't right now.
It's the same pull you felt when you met the boyfriend that knowingness that you are looking at your future. It's hard to believe sometimes you've only been together 14 months, it feels like you have known him forever. You wonder when everything is going to magically slot into place so you can have the money to live together, and start to live every dream you've ever imagined of sharing your life with your (very hot) best friend. (Incidentally my birthday present was a trip through Spain....awesome huh?!)
You started to doubt yourself. You started to feel impatient. Those hormones switched themselves on full blast and despite having an amazing career, boyfriend, family, friends, hobbies, travel, adventures and health, they made you feel like you'd failed. Then you felt annoyed...annoyed at your biological clock, about society and at yourself for letting your hormones take over.
So now you're in a place where your head, heart and hormones are all in competition, hoping, just hoping that the head and heart win and you realise that 31 is just a number. You just need to avoid romantic novels, films and nurseries and you should be fine.
That's all for this week....
(Link up your Friday's Letters: HERE)